Recently, my RL has gone totally to heck in a handbasket. My mother-in-law, who is perhaps one of the sweetest people in the world (yes…she honestly is) was admitted to the hospital with what we thought was dehydration, but is actually stage IV lung cancer. I took an almost 2 week vacation from SL to deal with getting her stabilized and transferred to a long term care facility and just hanging out with her at the hospital because it’s scary and boring and scary all over again.
I have to confess that before that I was suffering some SL burnout.Dancing every week, sometimes 2 or 3 times a weekend if there are special shows was wearing me out. My brain was fried and ideas were few and far between. There are so many amazing dancers now in SL and many collaborative groups that perform that I was beginning to wonder if someone like me…who loves to do solo dances that really mean something to me, would be able to survive. I make nice sets, I don’t make stupendous sets. I need the song to touch me in some way, I can’t just pick a song and make a set and dance happen. The well was dry and the ideas were somewhere else *shakes foot to see if anything falls out*.
It was with great surprise that I realized the other day driving to work that suddenly my brain was chock full of ideas. Maybe it’s because my new car has satellite radio; I have so many music choices to hear, but I really think it’s that focus that comes when you or someone you love is sick. Especially when they are sick with a terminal illness. You see the world differently, or at least I do. I still remember the day that I drove home after the doctor told me I had cancer. It was this beautiful, crystal clear May day, and the sky was a brilliant blue, there were no clouds and I couldn’t begin to understand how the world was rotating. I wanted to remember everything. Every sunset, every sunrise, the way the ground smells after it rains, the way it smells in the woods with damp leaves, every little detail.
That’s what my brain did this week. It clicked back on and I had ideas…dozens of them and music and visions that I wanted to make a reality. That is the one true gift of second life; the opportunity to create something…a complete something with a musical accompaniment which helps me to process my feelings and have a productive outlet for them, not a destructive one.
I’m excited to work through some of this stuff and see what the end results are…and I hope you are too 🙂